Scarred
by if.i.dared.you
Summary: Gary, Jimmy and Petey are caught in a heartbreaking triangle which may prove to end their friendships as they know them.
1. Chapter 1

Gary's eyes soften, the steely blue looking at Petey like a puppy begging for attention. The wiry-built, scarred teenager, so much bigger than little Pete, seems under his control somehow. Although he'd never be this way if they weren't alone. Or even, if Petey was conscious.

But the little sixteen-year old is asleep, all traces of worry and hurt swept from his face. All that remains is the blank, exhausted expression of a dreamless, even childlike sleep. He's curled up defensively on the filthy common room couch. For some reason, the other boys decided to let him slumber.

Gary knows Petey is perfect. So small, so fragile, so innocent... So special.

Gary sometimes wishes he was special. Wishes he isn't a creep. Wishes he isn't what he is. He wants to give Petey everything he wants. Everything that makes him happy...

He runs his hands over Petey's cheek, his neck, his buzz-cut hair. He knows that Petey would feel uncomfortable about this, but... It's what Jimmy would do, isn't it?

"Petey..." Gary chuckles to himself. "I wish... I could do this when... You're awake."

Petey's eyes flutter, and Gary leaps away as if stung. What if Petey found him like this? Jesus. He'd lose everything. Power. Control. Face.

Fuck.

He's got to stop doing this, he knows. One day he'll get caught. One day he'd be found out. He doesn't belong here. He belongs in his room, jerking off or hatching evil plans or something.

He almost walks away.

But Petey isn't awake. He's just turned over in his sleep. Now, his thin arm trails on the ground and his face is shmooshed against the pillow.

Gary smiles.

He hears the door scrape the walnut floor of the hallway; Jimmy, perhaps.

"Hey, Gary, what you up to, you sociopath?"

Yeah, Jimmy. God. Gary would always feel a certain soft spot for Jimmy Hopkins, sure, but... He got on his nerves. That open, unscarred face and honest disposition... Sometimes, Gary thought that Jimmy was better for Petey that he was.

But he couldn't think like that, not now. Not when... Not when he was so close to breaking through the walls of his own mind, so close to tearing down the padded barriers and finally accepting who he was.

Petey was the only one who would completely accept Gary for whatever he was. That much he knew. And so, Petey was the only one Gary would talk to, openly and without constraint.

"Nothing much, nothing much... I hear Pinky Gauthier's got a thing for you."

Maybe throwing Jimmy off the scent would stop him figuring Gary out.

But as soon as Gary saw his nonchalant face, he knew Jimmy was here for a reason. _Oh, shit._ Jimmy always got that look when... When...

"Look, Gary, can I talk to you?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

"_Alone?"_

Jimmy's disdainful expression looked strange as he raised his chin to indicate he thought Petey was listening. Gary knew he wasn't.

And he had a _really bad feeling about this._

Gary got up from where he was still kneeling at Petey's side and followed Jimmy out of the dorm.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was shining and, for once, the miserable Bullworth campus was bathed in that certain golden afternoon light that was the stuff of dreams.

At least, Gary's dreams. The dreams that were somehow delirious, too colourful, too vivid to be real. The kind he only got when he didn't take his medication.

It made him feel dizzy.

Jimmy stopped him abruptly when they reached the arch that served as the entrance to the Boys' Dorm, grabbing him by the shoulders gently.

"Look, Gary, I know you like Pete..."

"How do you know that?!"

"Let me finish."

"Hmph."

"As I was saying... I know you like Pete, but... I... Like you too....?"

In the end, Jimmy's voice came out as a question. He'd shoved his hands in the pockets of his oversized Bullworth hoodie, and he was perplexed by his feet. He stared at his boots as if daring them to contradict him.

It was almost the same thing Petey did when he was embarrassed.

_No, don't think about Pete!_

"Uh... Jimmy..."

Gary was suddenly protective, even... Piteous?

This boy, who he'd always written off as just another hetero, had gone out of his way to... Tell him he liked him?

Just a normal boy.

Not tortured like Petey was. Not shallow like Trent. Not closeted like Kirby.

And maybe Gary could learn to love him? The freckled cheeks and the red nose, the cute squinty eyes and fuzzy buzz-cut. Maybe... Instead of constantly pursuing a lost cause like Petey, he could settle with Jimmy?

Maybe, in time, he could learn not to see Petey's shy rabbit look behind his eyelids every time he closed his eyes? Maybe, in time, he'd see Jimmy?

And maybe, if Gary just couldn't be with Petey, like in the fairytale ending he'd always envisiged... He could make Jimmy happy?

He remembered the messaged scrawled by his mother on the back of a phone bill before she'd died...

_You're never going to be happy. You're never going to be a perfect soul. You're just a tool, like me, only missed when you're gone._

_Live in full knowledge of these facts. If you can't, just try to cause as little misery as possible before you eventually wear away._

He'd made the mistake of trying to be happy.

So he'd cause as little misery as possible.

"I... Like you too, Jimmy."

And suddenly, shocking, remorsefully, he realized there'd been a figure on the steps behind them.

_No, no, no, no, no!!_

He turned to look.

Petey's face was twisted with pain and dread. The beautiful hazel eyes that Gary had loved so much filled with exquisite tears, and his lip rolled out, quivering.

The air in Gary's lungs rushed out in a kind of gasp.

_Oh god..._

_What have I done?_


End file.
